This episode goes deeper into René Girard’s mimetic theory to answer three practical questions about how mimesis actually operates in everyday life: who is more mimetic, who we choose to imitate, and which attributes of a model get imitated. The core idea is that mimetic desire is driven by a felt existential lack—a sense of deficiency in one’s own being—and that people imitate models they believe possess a “fullness of being.” The extent to which someone is mimetic, who they imitate, and what they copy all follow from this underlying mechanism.
Who is more mimetic?
Mimetic intensity is governed by the size of one’s existential lack, which Girard describes as a deep shame or deficiency in being. The larger the gap between how much being you feel you have and how much you feel you should have, the more driven you are to fill it through imitation.
This “delta” can widen in two directions:
Raising expectations of yourself, as seen in megalomaniacs like Julius Caesar, who wept upon learning how much Alexander the Great had accomplished by the same age. The model’s achievements inflate what you believe you should be.
Lowering your sense of your own being, which happens through failure, social shame, or lack of success. Repeated failure shrinks your felt sense of being and makes you more susceptible to mimetic pull.
Success and confidence actually reduce mimetic susceptibility. A track record of achievement—in work, athletics, competition—increases your felt sense of being and therefore shrinks the lack. This is a point the speaker thinks many Girardians get wrong: success is not just compatible with reduced mimesis, it actively diminishes it.
Proximity and sameness magnify the lack. Because the being we desire is exclusionary—we want to be the best, not merely equal—having a self-conception identical to someone else’s makes their gain feel like your loss. Two analysts at Goldman Sachs climbing the same ladder are in direct zero-sum competition for being.
This is why Peter Thiel’s dictum “competition is for losers” resonates with Girardian logic: the healthiest move is to differentiate your self-conception so you’re not competing on the same axis as those around you.
The speaker gives a personal example: rather than identifying solely as a philosophy student (competing in academia) or solely as an entrepreneur (competing in tech), he defined himself as a hybrid “philosophy-meets-business” person with a YouTube presence—a self-conception non-competitive with almost anyone he meets.
Mimetic rivalry is most damaging when the rival is similar to you, because it simultaneously raises your expectations (they seem to have fullness of being) and lowers your own sense of being when you lose. This double movement maximizes the lack and intensifies mimetic desire.
The speaker contrasts New York with San Francisco: New York’s diversity of dominant domains (finance, media, entertainment, athletics) lets people balance identity across axes, whereas San Francisco’s singular tech axis makes it hard to escape direct competition with everyone around you.
Who do we choose to imitate?
We imitate whoever is esteemed in our developmental environment. “Fullness of being” is not an objective quality—it is assigned by the economy of esteem we absorb growing up.
A child raised by hippie parents may learn to see a Tibetan guru as possessing fullness of being; a neighbor raised by tech entrepreneurs may learn to see startup founders as the ones with fullness of being. Same community, different objects of imitation, because different qualities (chillness, wealth, intelligence) were modeled as valuable.
Esteem is the practical mechanism by which we identify who has fullness of being. We learn mimetically what traits confer being, and then we imitate the people who embody those traits.
Narcissism is mimetically seductive because the narcissist esteems themselves. The Girardian example is the coquette—a seductress who appears entirely self-sufficient, desiring only her own being.
The suitor is drawn in because they are invited to imitate the narcissist’s desire for herself. Just as a child imitates a parent’s desire for a guru, the suitor imitates the narcissist’s self-directed esteem.
This creates a self-reinforcing loop: the narcissist maintains self-esteem by absorbing the esteem of their suitors, while the suitors become more mimetically entangled by imitating that self-esteem. Each feeds the other.
Which attributes of a model get imitated?
We imitate only the specific qualities or objects we believe give the model their fullness of being—not every attribute they happen to have.
The speaker uses the analogy of the apostles, each depicted with a distinctive attribute (Peter with keys, another with a staff, another with a sword). Mimetic models work the same way: certain core qualities are seen as the source of their being.
Michael Jordan and Gatorade vs. baldness: “Be like Mike” means drinking Gatorade and wearing Jordans—the attributes tied to his success and cultural image—not shaving your head bald, even though baldness is equally an attribute of Jordan. The difference is that baldness is not part of the narrative that confers fullness of being.
Which attributes get selected is itself determined mimetically, by the narratives, stories, and cultural framing around the model. Advertising, media, and social storytelling all shape which qualities are seen as the source of a model’s being, and those are the qualities that get imitated.
